Whoa. This was a mystery that needed investigation. I sought out Childress’s alma mater and discovered he WENT TO STANFORD. I know what you’re thinking, “He probably just went for one year like most college players nowadays. This isn’t that big of a deal.”
Well it’s time to stop thinking that thought, hypothetical reader, because it’s wrong! Very wrong. He didn’t go for one year, not two, not three, BUT ACTUALLY GRADUATED
As you can see Josh is in his cap and gown flashing an unmistakable “just graduated” smile. After discovering this, I assumed that Josh was just playing a joke on ‘ol twitter, pulling our leg with that effortless wit he undoubtably crafted at the most reputable university in the Western United States. However, then I looked deeper at the first picture, notice the privates of the various representations of human evolution are obscured by a subtle black rectangular shape. After soiling his reputation with the concealment of the various evolutionary penises, I decided to check the comments for more clues into this enigma.
To say the plot thickened is to say Van Gogh painted, JChillin confirmed that he is in fact an evolution denier in emphatic fashion with several comments answering his naysayers.
Standard ignorance through the first few comments, then Chill J-Dawg drops a real bomb; “Where else in nature have we seen the same occurrence? Or are we the only ones to evolve?”
Whoa just whoa.
It appears JChillestHomie missed the day in class where one of Stanford’s reputable and award-winning professors explained how Charles Darwin came to his theory of evolution on the Galápagos Islands after studying the various beaks of finches, who are decidedly not human. Darwin, along with other scientists, then applied the theory to a variety of other animals further strengthening his theory until it reached the widely accepted status it enjoys today.
However, ChillJ69 missed that day and has proven beyond a doubt that when you are tall and can put the ball in the basket, Stanford will let you in to their fine university regardless of your stance on one of the foundational theories of modern science.
Boom. Roasted. @MDoveton where’s your piece of paper they gave Josh for chillin’ on campus and playing basketball? Where is it? Exactly! It’s nowhere, you idiot! JChillSwagPimpin’ is a learned scholar and you are nothing but a lowly serf fit only to clean the hem of his presumably extra long graduation gown.
JMadStacksChillestOnDaPlanet is expected to release a statement regarding his position on the Earth’s shape later this week, and so the world holds it’s breath to hear from it’s foremost athlete-scholar. To the average person, such matters of the universe would overwhelm our feeble mortal brains, but Josh is not flustered by science, in fact, you could say he’s JChillin.
Enjoy your millions Josh, I’ll get back to studying so that I might get a job if the economy turns around.